Thursday, December 31, 2009

Countdown to 30

Tomorrow is the first day of 2010. This is the year I turn 30. I've had 2010 in my mind since I was a little girl, knowing it was the year I would turn 30. And I remember thinking about how far away it seemed, and how OLD I would be at 30. I thought surely I would be a grandma by then and that my parents would all be living in nursing homes. Ha! Well. The almost-30-year-old version of myself now can't BELIEVE 2010 is here, and of course 30 doesn't seem that old anymore. My parents aren't even close to living in nursing homes. My grandparents aren't even living in nursing homes.

I don't even have to wait very long for my birthday. The big day is January 22. I've been counting down for at least all of 2009... approaching this milestone with a little bit of excitement and a little bit of dread. I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to embrace it, or if I'll shed a tear or two over it. It's not that I feel OLD, or feel like my life is coming to an end or anything... I just have a bit of anxiety. I graduate from seminary in May. And I think at that point, my "grown-up" life is supposed to begin. And at this point, there are many unanswered questions about our future. We have no idea what's next on the horizon for us. We're asking a lot of questions.

So maybe if some of those questions had answers, I'd be more excited to embrace 30 than I am today. Something about being 30 brings an expectation for having things a little more figured out. In your twenties, you can still chalk it all up to being "youthful".

But tomorrow will come, whether I'm ready for it or not. I'm going to choose to see 2010 as a year full of possibility. And I'll choose to figure things out one day at a time.

So hello, 2010. Hello, 30. I hope we can be friends.

2 comments:

Kandice said...

Embrace it, embrace it! You have to so that I can when the time comes... plus, we have to start getting into that mindset that we're only as old as we feel... I mean, I sure as heck don't hope I FEEL 85 when I am! That would be tragic! :)

Anonymous said...

Enjoy!!!! The thirties were pretty good, forties even better and as I'm sneaking up on the fifties...can hardly wait! love and miss you, Sue