I'm obviously not 94 years old (though I WILL be 30 in 3 months, so that's close enough). But today I felt like it.
One of my favorite people in the whole wide world, is/was my grandmother, Doris Collins. She was my mom's mom, and I have such fond memories of her. She died in 1996, when I was 16, but oh the memories we made before then! After my parents' divorce, we lived with her for a couple of years. I got to stay at home with her while my mom went to work, and my big brother went to school. She taught me to read. She taught me how to tell time. Later, after we moved away, I would spend weeks in the summer with her, watching musicals and working crossword puzzles with her. Her house was such a happy place for me to be!
However, there is one thing I remember about her, that does not bring me great joy. And that was her struggle with arthritis. I remember her arthritis (especially in her hands) causing her a great deal of discomfort, and it really limited what she was able to do. Because of her arthritis, she eventually ended up having a double knee-replacement surgery.
Well. Today I went to the doctor to discover that I am most likely headed down this same road. I've been having some pain in my hands and feet off and on for the past few months (years really, but it's been minor), and based on my symptoms, and the doctor feeling the joints in my hands, his gut feeling was that I do have rheumatoid arthritis. Just like my grandmother. They did some bloodwork to be sure, and ordered some x-rays as well.
As I talked to the doctor today, I found myself getting very emotional about it! This emotion really surprised me. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is minor. I could be dealing with something much worse. I am not. But still. Arthritis? At 29? Immediately, I pictured my grandmother's hands. I got all teary-eyed thinking about how much pain her arthritis caused her. I don't want that.
That's not even for sure what's going on. I'll find out for sure when the bloodwork comes back and I get my x-rays done. If it is rheumatoid arthritis, then really I do know it'll be okay. Seriously, I feel so silly for even getting emotional about it all. If it is RA, well... so be it. They'll put me on medication to keep it under control and to keep further damage to the joints from happening. The doctor didn't seem to think at this point that very much damage has occurred. So that's good!
In the meantime, the doctor put me on a daily anti-inflammatory, that should help with some of the pain I'm experiencing now.
In unrelated, and more exciting news, the best and most wonderful thing happened today. Eisley was playing here at home this afternoon, and she stopped playing, walked over to me, and gave me a kiss. I didn't ask for one. I didn't prompt her in any way. She just gave me a kiss. And then went right back to her playing. And then she did it again a couple of more times in the afternoon. My heart was just overflowing with joy!!!
I mean, how could it not be? Look at this face!
photo by Carissa Martin