Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Image

Exactly 28 weeks ago today, our Eisley was born.

This is a picture of Billy and me on the night before Eisley's arrival.

On Friday, August 1st, 2008, at 8:05 a.m., our little daughter cried her first cry and greeted the world.

This picture was taken on the night of July 31, 2008. The night we had known for 2 weeks prior, would be the eve of our daughter's big entrance into the world (because Eisley was breech and did not ever flip to be facing the right direction, we had to do a scheduled c-section delivery). I spent the day relaxing at home, and in the afternoon I went to get a pedicure with a friend. That evening, we shared dinner with some other friends, and that night we went to bed, the last night in our home without a third person there.

We were both so excited that we couldn't sleep. We knew that just hours later, we would be holding our daughter. We had no idea what she would look like. We had no idea what her cry would sound like. We did not know how big she would be (though the doctors had estimated her to be around 7 pounds, 8 ounces). But in just hours, we would know the answers to all those questions. What a weird thing to KNOW was coming, and at what time.

I go back and look at pictures of her first days almost every week. I remember the first time I saw her I thought, "Who is that beautiful child? Is she mine? I don't know her." I mean, I knew her because she had been growing within me, but I didn't really know her. Up to that point, I mostly just knew the the dreams and desires I had (have) for my daughter.

But now I know her. She's this little person with a personality of her own. There's still a disconnect for me when I think about the baby-to-be that was in my belly for 9 months and the baby that lives in our house now, even though they are one in the same. Is that weird? Maybe it's because I had pictured her differently. Maybe it's because I didn't know what to expect at all. Maybe it's because I'm a terrible mom (kidding).

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. For no real reason. But I now know my daughter so intimately and it is hard sometimes to think back on what life was like before she arrived, even though that was just six months ago. It's weird to think about there ever being a time when I did not know her. I now know what each of her cries mean. I know the shape of her head. I know each tiny little finger and toe (She has feet that are miniature versions of mine). I know the sound of her laugh and I know her squeals and coos. I can tell by the way she is breathing, how long it will be before she wakes from a nap. I can close my eyes when she is not near me and picture her perfectly. I can imitate how she crinkles her nose and sticks out her tongue.

Of course I am realizing there are things I DON'T know about my child. Like I said, she's her own person. But I love this little girl with all my heart and I love figuring her out!

By the way, it still surprises me whenever I see pictures of the pregnant version of myself. It's shocking to me! Is THAT weird?


Becca Barnes said...

Thank you for sharing this Kelly. I think your little girl is pretty great. Know the journey you and Billy will make with her as she grows into the person she was created to be will be amazing.

Laurie J. said...

I agree with the earlier comment! I think you captured the wonder of a mother's love perfectly in your post. Such an honor, such a joy to get to know this little person you helped create!
Eisely's blessed to have a mommy like you.

kandice said...

well, since she SLEPT the whole time I was in her royal highness' presence, I can't really say... but I suppose she's pretty cool. :) it IS weird to see you preggers, though... what happened to that boy haircut redhead I knew in college? ha!
you're such a great mom to want to know her like you do. even when she's a pain in the ass as a teenager(pardon my frankness), don't let go of that.